He said he sees a lot of cases such as yours: a parent/child who have differences and as the parent gets older there is that pull to try to make things better. I consulted BACP- and UKCP-registered psychotherapist John-Paul Davies. Maybe it doesn’t need much to make this a tiny bit better. I know you say it has been diplomatic at best between you, but that’s already heaps better than a lot of the relationships I hear about. The latter seems very one way, whereas investing in a relationship shows hope that you too might benefit. This distinction might help you, because investing in a relationship, rather than a person, has a different feel to it. But I wondered if it was actually less about giving your dad another chance and more – despite what you say – about the relationship. Maybe he feels the same about you, in which case, you are off the hook. You say fairly emphatically that you don’t wish to have a better relationship with your father. Give him a chance to do what? With some problems it’s a good idea to start with “What do I want to achieve?” and then work backwards to see if it is, indeed, achievable. I don’t feel any need for a better relationship with my dad, but at the same time feel I should give him a chance. However, I fear that he’ll ask me for money and criticise my lifestyle ( he’s done both before). My sisters say I should try to get closer to him as he’s getting old.
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